Harold Camping - the Genius and Instrument of the Abrahamic god

So, as of this writing, its 21 May 2011, 8:00 p.m in Israel, the hallowed Biblical ground zero, and the only possible place based on which any time reference in the Bible could have been specified. So, the blog-osphere and tweet-osphere and the great plains of Facebook are of course abuzz with derision over him have gotten his doomsday prediction wrong - and for the second time!

I seem to be the lone voice of dissent amid all the derision. I think Harold Camping is a genius. A true and obedient instrument of the Abrahamic god.

For one, this guy is a Civil Engineer; not just a mediocre one from some little heard of online college like evangelicals generally are. No, this guy holds a degree from University of California, Berkeley, no less. Believe me, I once knew a girl in school (NOT in the biblical sense of "knowing" a woman) who went to University of California, Berkley, and she was as brilliant as she was gorgeous. She even bagged a medal in the International Maths Olympiad while at school. Well, she did not really know me, but thats an irrelevant detail. From that one data point I have, I can quite confidently conclude that people who go to Berkeley, and stick around long enough to finish a degree, must be nothing short of brilliant.

Also, do you have any idea how meticulous engineers are with their calculation? I do; I am an engineer myself and I've worked with them and I'm telling you, the good ones, especially those from Berkeley, go over their figures with a fine comb. He is as unlikely to have made a mistake in his 'Biblical calculations' as I am of mustering the courage to ask my aforementioned high school crush out on a date.

Secondly, this guy is a civil engineer. Jesus was a carpenter. Anyone else see the connection? (Hint: Both of them build stuff. I mean really 'build'- like fashioning real metal and wood stuff, not build like that lame ass 'Build' button that you find in your IDE, that compiles textual code into native binary or bytecode for an interpreter.)

Finally, and Camping cannot be anything but the ingenious, sort of Machiavellian, servant of the Abrahamic god, who carries out his master's bidding to the T. You see, anyone who is Christian or has ever read significant portions of the Bible (two sets, that are by and large, mutually exclusive), would know about the several, several instances in the Bible where it says that, the world at large, will not know about the onset of the end of times.

"For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night. For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape."

- Thessalonians 5:2-3

"But of that day and hour knoweth no [man], no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only. But as the days of Noe [were], so shall also the coming of the Son of man be."

- Matthew 24:36-37

Now, anyone who thinks that Harold Camping does not know his Bible properly, is completely ignorant. Have you seen how thumbed this guy's copy of the Bible is (refer image below)? Hell, it looks older than him, and that is saying something, considering that this guy is so old, that he couldn't have possibly believed, deep down, that the 'Kingdom of god' would come in his own lifetime. No the real reason is something much more profound.

The Real Reason:

In the past 40 years, evangelical Christians have reclaimed the religious space in America, back from the void in the 60s where Time Magazine once published a cover, with the title 'Is God Dead?' The 'End of Times' prophesies as found in the book of Revelations and other places in the Bible are one of the key aspects of evangelical proselytizing (other than of course, the other two, which are that, "God hates fags and abortion doctors" and "God loves the Republican party and the NRA" .

The evangelical renaissance and its dissemination of rapture related propaganda is so rampant in fact, that one former vice Presidential candidate and potential Presidential candidate for 2012, from the Republican Party of America believes that the rapture will occur in HER own lifetime. Can you even blame her for asking America to "drill, baby, drill" for oil, brushing aside concerns about global warming, which as far as she is concerned is not a concern, given the short time the world has anyway.

Now, evidently with all this attention that end of times prophesy is getting in America, god evidently must be feeling quite uncomfortable. He is supposed to send his son down to earth, when everyone is least expecting him to. I mean, here is a hypothetical conversation between Jesus and god:

Son: Dad, is it time yet? Do I go down there now?

Father: No

(After a while...)

Son: Is it time yet?

Father: No

Son: But you promised!

Father: Jesus Christ! Stop pestering me dammit!

Son: Er... Dad you can't do that...

Father: Do what?

Son: You can't take my name in vain.

Father: What?... Oh, no, I was actually addressing you young man...

Son: I am like 2000 years old, Dad

Father: Goddammit, I am over 13 billion years old

Son: Wait, you mean you weren't around before the Big Bang?

Father: Er.. well its complicated. Anyway, you can't go down to earth right away since there are too many people expecting you to come down to them anytime now.

Son: So?

Father: Well, that means that biblical verses that talk about armageddon sneaking up on the humans like a thief in the night will be rendered null and void.

Son: Who cares? That verse wasn't from the gospels that chronicle what I preached when I was down there. It was some smarty pants fellow, Paul, who had nothing better to do than write long rambling letters to people in far off lands.

Father: I divinely inspired him to do that. If I don't fulfill my own prophesies, I am going to look like an idiot.

Son: So, when will it be time for me to go down there? I need to pick what to wear and all that sort of thing you know. I need sufficient notice.

Father: Wait, I am cooking a plan up with this fellow, Harold Camping... lets see how it goes.

You see? Thats what this thing is really about. What if when everyone realises that Doomsday is not today, and are laughing about having lost any sleep over it, god (and Jesus) strike the next day, on May 22, when no one any longer believes the end is at hand. See what I mean? Or the next Saturday, May 28.

Or, better still, get Camping to predict another doomsday, and this time over, everyone is going to laugh him off, and bam, god picks that day to start Armageddon off. Its bloody brilliant, I tell you.

If Harold Camping makes another prediction, I urge you take him very seriously. Or not, depending on whether you are expecting or dreading the rapture, since if you do take him seriously, god will have to postpone the start of the "end of times" again. In any case, don't you agree that Camping is a genius?