Arranged Marriages - The Greatest of 'em 'Common Minimum Programmes'

So it is yesterday's news that the UPA government is headed to what could be their worst rout in the coming elections since...well...the last time they got routed. The government in a last ditch attempt has released a "report card" highlighting the few of its promises that it has kept.

I assure you that this blog is not going to suddenly start taking itself seriously. The only reason I brought that up was because I wanted to bring the reader's notice to a much more successful common minimum programme that India has seen since yore - arranged marriages.

Apparently, the origins of the practice seem to have their roots in the ancient farms of the Indus Valley. Right after the Harappans discovered that cattle could be rather useful animals if domesticated they realised that strength, longevity and milk yields could be increased even further by selective breeding, i.e. mating the most healthy bull or one with the most desirable characteristics with the choicest cow. So cows from distant farms used to be brought to the home farm, put in the same pen with the respectively chosen bulls, and nature was allowed to take its course.

The intuitive engineers that Indians are, we naturally applied the same rule into practice among the citizenry to take advantage of its inherent blessings. Historians often argue about the impact of such a practice claiming that if the above rule were indeed effective we would have ended upa people that is disproportionately more good looking than another, or physically agile or one or so of the various desirable characteristics. We know ofcourse that we are none of the above.

Of course, that was not to be, since the alliances usually drawn out were between the bridegroom who was rich with a bride who was richer. The ill effects of the system were obvious. The most beautiful brides were marked for the highest bidders, usually fat and ugly heirs to a rich estate. Well built men seemed to have an uncanny knack of being born poor. Thus they had to settle for whatever was on offer after the rich had their fill.


Interestingly most countries, for some mysterious reason called "becoming more civilized" have done away with the above mentioned practices, save in ours. Now, lets not be hasty...history has seen and continues to record accounts of 'marriages of convenience', which have often lead to long lasting alliances between two nations who may have otherwise annihilated each other. Yet, nowhere in the world has arranged marriages become the rule rather than the exception. Even today, its a matter of pride for the parents to say something along the lines of, "What will he say? He's my son. If I point to a donkey there and tell him it is the bride, he'll merely ask for its name. No, no, no....there is no need to ask him. You can agree to our other terms, no?"

Today ofcourse, we defend this tradition as an integral part of the large package of 'Indian values' that all and sundry start rattling their sabres to defend at the mere suggestion of a slight. The age old custom has adapted and changed, marrying (pun intended) the latest innovations in technology too. I mean, how else would you explain the plethora of 'Matrimony Sites' on the internet who put up ads like...




Looking at ads like the above one struggles to comprehend an uncanny combination of the facts at hand that just don't seem to add up -

• These girls are hot!
• They dont have boyfriends already?
• They are from the metros.
• There is no short supply of eligible bachelors who'd drool at these girls.
• These girls seem to want to marry someone only after they see their bio data?
• They'd rather spend their life with a beefed up bio data than a real person.
  
• These girls are gorgeous!
  
• Why aren't they with someone already?
• How come these girls are following me to any city I go?

However, why do I choose to call arranged marriages a common minimum programme? When you think about it, the reason for our burgeoning population is due to the fact that the book if Indian values dictates that everyone has to marry and raise offsprings. Everyone. Now, I find it almost inconceivable that every man in this country left to his own devices is capable of wooing a woman. That just isn't statistically feasible. I mean, there surely are more incompetent men incapable of stringing four sentences together when talking to a woman out there than those who can right?

Hence, if our nation can indeed provide for all the introverts and incompetent nincompoops, we owe it all to the great common minimum programme where our parents will find us a bride come what may. Heck, I bet one of those nincompoops is preparing his bio data for that damned matrimony site as we speak.